Surviving

I know many of you have been wondering how I've been doing after the death of my fur baby last week.  Well, I'd like to say it's getting easier but it's not.  The sadness kicks me in the gut and leaves me breathless many times a day.  Right now, it feels that I'll never get over losing her.  I miss her more than I can ever even explain to anyone.  I'm very tired of crying and I rarely get depressed but this has really ripped my heart out.  On top of this, the day after Minya died, both of my boys got the flu.  My husband had it and then the boys got it.  The cough has hung on like something with a vice grip.  They have missed their first week back to school.  They have been to the Dr. more than once and their lungs are clear, so that's good news.  Their coughs are really from a lot of mucus and throat irritation so we are trying to dry them up. (I know that sounds gross!) They are much better today.  In the meantime, I'm ready to commit myself to a mental hospital!  Let me explain....

I am an introvert.  I NEED time by myself to think and process life.  My kids have been out of school now for 3-1/2 weeks with the first 2-1/2 being before the holidays, which is craziness in and of itself.  Now, with them being sick, there is no option for finding a babysitter to get out!  On top of that, there's no uninterrupted time to create.  This is also a GREAT need for me.  I feel like I'm being starved.  If only I could lose a few pounds this way!  LOL!  Then, Minya' s death sent me in a downward spiral of grief.  I truly have had no alone time to really process anything.  I walk around in a zombie-like state in my pajamas crying when I wake up, crying while I wash dishes, crying while I fold laundry, crying while I make breakfast, crying myself to sleep, etc... all while playing referee to two boys tattle-telling, fighting, goofing off and being really loud... if and when they aren't coughing their heads off.  My husband is finally feeling somewhat better and has been able to crawl out of the hole the past couple of day.  I thought of having him watch the boys so I could go out but what I really want is to be home and everyone else go out... but can't do that with sick kids.  UGH!  Now don't you just want to come live with me?

Thank God, every day starts new... and right now, I'm living for Monday when I can drop my kids off at school and run for my life.  I really, really need my "normal" back.  I need routine.  I thrive with schedules.  I need to find my center again.  I am dying to get back teaching at Bible Study and regaining my balance.  I need to see beyond my pain.  I need to paint!

Well, since painting takes full focus for me and I haven't been able to do that, I have made a few cards which I have submitted for a new book being published called "1000 Handmade Greeting Cards".  Whether they'll be accepted, I have no clue BUT, this is the first time I've ever submitted anything!  This is a goal I have this year... to get brave and submit.  No one will ever know my work and opportunities will not be coming my way if I don't put myself out there.  So, I sent files of my cards this morning.    Here are the 5 cards I submitted: